Contents:
Introduction
Ear Wiggling
Introduction
This selection is included for three reasons:
-
The time period, while not pioneer days, is definitely
"olden times". The hospital stay referred to is when Karl (son
of Orin W. and grandson of George F. Jarvis) had diptherea,
a deadly scourge that has now been all but eliminated from
the U.S. and similar countries, and was confined to a
bed in a hospital.
-
There is a total dearth of stories and incidents received
from present day descendants of George and Ann.
-
Although my ear wiggling skills are definitely inferior to
my father's, I inherited that skill and my weird sense of
humor from him.
Ear-Wiggling
Karl's English class was assigned to write an essay for inclusion in the
school yearbook. After struggling most of the night with weighty
themes such as capital punishment, the eighteenth ammendment
(prohibition), etc. he gave up and dashed this off, hoping to
get a little sleep before getting up for his before school chores.
The teacher gave him a "D", but the junior class voted it one of
the two essays from the class to go into the yearbook.
Ear Wiggling As an Indoor Sport
(Junior--Second Prize Essay)
I am a confirmed ear wiggler. I wiggle my ears at meals, at
parties, at school, and everywhere. I wiggle them all day long
and my brother maintains that I wiggle them in my sleep. My family
has given me up as hopeless, and my friends are tired of trying to
cure me of the habit.
Some people consider ear wiggling a silly, useless thing, but it
is not. One of its many uses is to amuse children. My friends know
that I have some strange power over children, and this power is
based on my ear wiggling. When I enter a roomful of strange
children I sit down quietly until they get used to me. I then
wiggle one ear and start them snickering. This breaks the ice and
I can start wiggling both ears and make them appear to be turning
cartwheels. This establishes me in their minds as a funny fellow,
and inside of ten minutes they are all showing off their own tricks
and having a grand time.
Ear wiggling is very useful as a means of passing away the time.
While I was at the hospital last year I used to drum on the head
of my bed until my room mate would threaten to crown me with a
pillow. Finally, in my desperation, I hit on the idea of drumming
silently by wiggling my ears. This solved the problem, and
afterwards I would lie for hours drumming to myself. I really
think that this discovery was all that kept me from going crazy.
Another of ear wiggling's many good points is the ease with which
one can amuse the class without the teacher knowing it. I can be
leaning over my book apparently studying very hard, but, in
reality, be wiggling the ear on the side away from the teacher.
Even those magnificent, lordly creatures, the seniors, have enough
of the child in them to be amused by it, especially since the
teacher cannot figure out what the matter is.
Ear wiggling is also useful as a defense against insects in the
summer. If a fly lights on my ear or in its immediate vicinity, I
can shake It off without using my hands. All I have to do is to
give my ear a twitch and the fly is catapulted into space. This
is very useful when one's hands are full of bundles. My ears are
so well trained that they perform this office even when I am
asleep, thus protecting my slumbers from being rudely broken.
If everyone is taught to keep time to music by wiggling his ears
another great blessing will descend on the people. Is there anyone
who has not been irritated by the person in the seat behind him at
the concert who kept time to the music by drumming on his seat or
by tapping the floor? If my plan is followed, all this will be done
away with and the people who feel that they simply must drum can do
it silently.
My years of ear wiggling have not been entirely happy for I have
had to endure many persecutions and trials. I have been sent from
the table for wiggling my ears at my father while he scolded me.
He thought me impertinent when I was merely showing that I agreed
with him. I have been sent out of the room for wiggling my ears
while reciting. I was doing it unconsciously but the teacher would
not believe me. These things hurt my feelings, but the crowning
insult that almost made me waver in my devotion to ear wiggling
came only a week ago while I was attending a meeting at church.
The speaker was dull, and I was enjoying myself wiggling my ears
at the girls across the aisle. Suddenly the speaker stopped, fixed
me with an angry stare, and and said, "If that boy in the third
row will stop advertising the fact that he looks like a donkey,
I will continue my talk." That was bad enough, but it was pleasant
compared to what happened when I got home that night.
Despite all these persecutions I will never give up the practice.
Who knows but what some day others besides myself will recognize
it as the greatest indoor sport of all time and will hold ear
wiggling contests? Anyone can see how much [of an advantage] my
years of training would give me. I can almost see the headlines
in the papers when I win the championship: "Old Man of Ninety-eight
Years Wins Ear-Wiggling Contest. Takes All Honors for Speed,
Endurance, and Graceful Style." And yet some people consider
my ear-wiggling a waste of time.
Karl Jarvis, '26